Due Diligence Investigation before Marriage
▼
Due Diligence Investigation before Marriage
文/ 李丹 律师
Chinese New Year is coming and it is a time for lots of couples to get the knot tied. I am not a marriage hater and I am just against rash marriage, whole heartedly. To me, marriage is just like the merger of two entities and the merger is only the start while what happens after counts.
When two entities are mergered into one, most often than not, the two entities separately will perform a due diligence investigation before the merger takes place to see whether the two fit to merge. A due diligence investigation before the registration of marriage may be also of great importance as such a decision may have life long impact on both parties.
The following is a brief checklist that the due diligence investigation needs to be covered before the registration which as a divorce attorney, I believe, may have far reaching influence in the marriage and therefore has to be looked into.
First the marriage status
I am not kidding especially given the fact that the government authories of differernt places in charge of marriage and divorce in China have not been ccompletely connected so far. Therefore, even if you go to the authority in charge of marriage and divorce affairs for registration of marriage, you may have no access to the marriage status of the other party, whether he/she married or whether he/she has divorce history. That’s why bigamy still has its market ever since the abolition of marriage in fact under Chinese Marriage Law.
However, you may check with the relatives or with close friends who will definitely know whether your future husband/ wife has divorce or marriage history or check with home town people where your future partner comes from. Anyone who conceals his/her divorce history or marriage history is definitely not reliable and shall never be a good choice for the marriage.
I personally have handled three divorce cases and all of the female parties involved have no idea the will be husband have a histroy of marriage, two of whom are divorced, one of them is widowed, until the day when they go to the civil affairs bureau for the marriage registration.
All of the three females get married inspite of the hidden marriage history of the other party and all of the three marriage end up with divorce. Well, a marriage with overtrust from one side and dishonesty from the other side is doomed to fail.
Second, check the background where your future partner comes from
As a person will be influenced by what he/she constantly sees and hears, the background where your future partner comes from is of key importance because where he/she grows up will plays an importance role on what kind of person he/she is, especially when the future parents are concerned.
What kind of persons the future parents are, what they are expecting from the future son-in-law or daughter-in-law and whether the future parents are happily married couple and etc. Try to know as much as possible about your future parents before you make a decision.
Furthermore, as The Chinese saying goes the two should equally get married, which is all too true. In China, the marriage is not only two persons’ own business and it involves two families. The gap between the two families whether in economic power or social status will be finally reflected in the couple’s status in the marriage and the equality t between the couple will be lost if the gap is big. So is the mutual respect between the couple. Marriage will most probably run into trouble finally under that situation.
So try to fill the gap to keep the balance between the couple and if you can not find the means to fill the gap, think twice about the marriage. The background check is easy as it is Chinese tradition to meet the future parents in law before the marriage takes place. Take your time to know your future parents and to know yourself.
Third, check with your future half to see whether life value of you two fit and you are following the same path
In China, equality between men and women has been realized to a great extent. Like a man, a woman is also a breadwinner to the family and women sometimes even contribute more to the family economically speaking.
However, when marriage is concerned, it may be of great necessity for the couple to talk with each other about the future. When the two are in love, either party may be willing to make sacrifice for the other party.
However, willingness to sacrifice and to make sacrifice is two different issues and to sacrifice for a short time is totally different from to sacrifice for life long.
The following issues need to be evaluated before marriage takes place, whether he/she will support your future career plan, whether your future life plan will conflict with your future partner’s, whether you or he/she is willing and is able to make sacrifice for the marriage.
True, good marriage needs the sacrifice from both parties. But does the sacrifice you will make deserve, in consideration of what you have sacrificed like the precious opportunity for promotion or the quitting of your ever developing career or even making totally change of yourself and etc.
If you have gotten good preparation for the sacrifice you are willing and able to make, get married.
Fourth check the genetic disease history of the family
This is not an overstatement especially when one family has mental disease history.
Recently, I just close a case and one party involved has a parent who is a psychosis, which remains unknown to the other party only after the party with such a parent is so mentally instable after marriage which causes suspect. When the two finally get divorced at court, my client gets totally relieved, saying the marriage is like a nighmare which finally comes to an end.
However, not everyone involved in the marriage with a metally instable partner can get a divorce like my client and for those who are still in the marriage, life is not only miserable but is fearful as they can not afford to have a baby or they are worried about what happens to the child in the future or they have no idea when the other party will lose control of the temple and become a total psychosis.
Do not tell me that you have no idea where to find out the truth. As long as you care, you will discover the trace of family disease history.
Fifth check the personal character, especially the sense of responsibility and the view about money
When love is fading, sense of responsibility will play a key role in the sustaining the relation between the married couple. As Rome is not built in one day, so is the sense of responsibility. It is easy to find out how responsible he or she is as lots of details can tell, the way he or she treats his or her own job, whether he or she keeps to his or her promise, how he or she reacts when emergency occurs, leaving or staying to get the problem solved and etc.
For girls, your future partners’ view about money will decide a lot what economic status you have in the future marriage life, whether he is generous when you two go out for a date, whether he is money sensible with high money Q, who is in charge of money at his home as he will following his parents’ pattern, whether he prioritizes money over everything and etc.
I have three female clients who claim their ex never take them out to a restaurant for dinner during the courtship and after marriage, they get every penny spent counted even ask the wives to hand in every penny they have earned.The marriages end up with divorce as a man who respects money more than his own wife.
So sharp your eyes, do a good pre marriage due diligence investigation and get married when the result of due diligence investigation satisfy you.
— 猜你喜欢 —
What is wrong with the marriage of the post 80’s generation?
Chinese BiHun, the Overworrying Parents and the Confused Children